Today is two years since Peter and I got married. In one way it seems like no time at all, but in reality it's been quite an action packed couple of years. Unfortunately, not all the 'action' has been fun, but that is the reality of life. We joked after our first anniversary that 'the first year of marriage is the hardest' so it should be all plain sailing from here. Hah! Boy, I'm never mocking fate again like that! But I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself either. Life is complicated and it can be hard but perhaps that just makes the good times sweeter?
Peter has often said things to me like 'I'm crazy for you' or 'I'm mad for you'. I've joked recently that again the gods of fate decided to take us up on these statements and make them a reality. You see, something else has been going on in the last few months. After Peter was made redundant (thanks to the TAFE funding cuts) it triggered a big depressive episode. Bigger and deeper than we've dealt with before. It meant me taking time off work to take him from GP to psychiatrist to try to get his medication right, and to his psychologist to talk about the dark and fearful place he had found himself in. And the hits kept coming. It was around this time that Dad died. You can now perhaps understand why when people asked how I was, my reply was 'I'm still standing!' There are times in life when that seems like an achievement.
After a month on the new medication and a bit of trial and error Peter is coming out of the fog. There is still a big journey to go, but every step forward is a good thing. There have been a couple of beautiful people offering Peter some casual work to ease him back into the workforce. I cannot thank these wonderful people enough. We are blessed to have these options.
What I think about most is that Peter and I have faced stresses. Many, many stresses. Big, in your face life changing stresses. And sometimes all at once. It isn't always easy, but that's what marriage is all about sometimes. It's never the rom-com hollywood tries to tell us it is. It's complicated and messy and filled with hard decisions and difficult conversations. And even though there's been some really hard moments lately and some bumpy patches, we are still holding hands. Noone knows or understands me more than Peter. And the promise of catching each other if we fall still rings true. It would never be my choice to go through the hard parts, but it's reassuring to know that we can.
I guess, this is what I'm finding at the two year mark. Marriage is a commitment. It is doing things for the person you love most in the world, even if you're dealing with your own stuff. It is facing the hardships square on...together. It's also the safety found in someone's arms and the comfort of a loving hand holding yours or stroking your worried head.
I love you Peter and if I had to go through all of this with someone, I'm so glad it's you. Happy Anniversary honey xoxo
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