If you live in Australia there is no escaping the current debate about marriage equality. You know, that concept that has been introduced in so many other countries around the world without the sky falling in. For some reason our politicians can't seem to separate church from state or fact from fiction. Although the public debate and lobbying campaigns for the Yes and No votes were supposed to be civilised and solely about the marriage law, it has become about so much more.
Long standing hate mongering arsehat Tony Abbott started off by saying the vote was about saying no to same sex marriage, but also about protecting religious freedom and freedom of speech, and stopping political correctness in it's tracks. It seems in the very first days the debate had already jumped the tracks. From there it's only a step to the right and someone is screaming 'won't somebody think of the children'.
There's also people talking about voting no because marriage isn't something they are interested in. Or that the issue of same sex marriage is detracting from discussions about equality and rights for the rest of the letters in the LGBTQI community. But it is bigger than that. Many people are now coming to the fore to highlight how this 'debate' and vote makes them feel, and what a hurtful and stressful time it is waiting for the country to vote on whether you are worthwhile as a human being. Here's a few examples: Magda Szubanski, Hannah Gadsby, Josh Thomas, Zoe Coombs Marr. There are also reports that the debate is causing serious mental health stress on the LGBTQI community. To counter this specialised support services are having to be promoted.
The Marriage Act was amended in 2004 by then Prime Minister John Howard, to insert the words 'the union between a man and a woman'. This nifty timeline from the ABC shows that marriage law has had to evolve over time, to keep up with society (raising the age limit, allowing married women to keep working, the introduction of civil celebrants etc). The idea of marriage needs to keep up with the community and their attitudes. Right now, it seems the complexity of life is light years ahead of our laws. Greens senator Janet Rice is married, and her husband transitioned to a woman. In Australian law currently their marriage is in a grey area, a legal loophole meaning they are in effect in a same sex marriage. They discussed their relationship on the ABC. I think this perfectly sums up the stupidity of the situation, let alone spending over a million dollars on a non-binding postal vote when it could have been sorted out in parliament.
I was talking recently to a friend. She knows open minded people who are struggling with accepting the idea of a friends child wanting to identify as a different gender. Coincidentally I had just read this excerpt from Benjamin Law's Quarterly Essay entitled 'Why do transgender children raise the hackles of 'tolerant' Australians?'. It's made me contemplate how my own thoughts have broadened over time.
I was a teenager in the 80s, a time when men and women equally wore a ton of make up. In 1982 (when I was 12) Culture Club was number 1 with 'Do you really want to hurt me?'. Smash Hits mag (my teenage bible) was full of the term 'gender bending' as Boy George and his mate Marilyn camped it up in photo shoots. It was also a time of the Eurythmics, featuring the besuited and androgynous Annie Lennox (1983). I danced around my bedroom to the wonderful Spin me Round (1985) by Dead or Alive, with the long haired and lip glossed Pete Burns. But my two loves were Duran Duran (a mix of laddishness and lipstick) and Frankie Goes to Hollywood, who straddled imagery of political pinup boys to the out and out homoerotic. As a teenager I wasn't weirded out by any of this. It just helped me celebrate the great joy that is self expression and diversity. None of this is new (if you look back in history) but it was probably the first time people at the top of the pop charts looked like this!
In my 20s I met gay friends and people's who's sexuality would best be desribed as fluid. I thought the tide had turned and attitudes towards homosexuality was largely tollerant or supportive (except of course Fred Nile and his traditional yearly rant at Mardi Gras). A few years ago there was a discussion at work about introducing the title of 'Mx' on forms, to give a gender neutral option. Awesome. Peter and I are fans of the tv shows usually scheduled late on friday nights on SBS or ABC2. They show the weird and wonderful alternative lifestyles. One series, My Transexual Summer hightlighted life for people who felt like they were born in the wrong bodies. Each were at different stages of their transition and ended up supporting each other. It gave insights into the complexity of feelings experienced by the participants and those around them. It gave me an understanding of their challenges. And this is what helps break down prejudices or uncomfortable feelings. By listening, or talking to people who are different.
Language has changed, expanded, evolved as gender and identity is explored and discussed. I find all new information is accepted by me, but also helps me to to accept different peoples ideas of identity, whether they be fixed or fluid. It all adds to my understanding of how others live their lives, in all the letters in the LGBTQI community. I happened to turn the radio on to Joy FM and heard the announcers discuss the marriage equality vote. As much as they can lobby within their community they discussed the importance of friends and allies. If they speak out it shows it's not just an issue for a 'minority group'. It will prove that (as many polls have done) that most Australian's are in favour of marriage equality. So I guess this is me...being a friend and ally. Saying publicly that this is important and that I support LGBTQI people. And most importantly of all, that love is love.
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